The more I look back on my experience, the clearer my behavior becomes in hindsight.

On the surface, my reactions often looked rational. Even justified.

But when I looked closer, I could see where certain patterns were keeping me from responding from my inner authority.

One of those patterns was anticipation.

I anticipated outcomes that hadn't happened yet.

And when we're not careful, anticipation can turn into assumption.

Anticipation can train the mind to overthink.

And when you can't think your way out of a situation, you may begin speculating.

In high-conflict co-parenting, speculation can quickly become assumptions.

And assumptions aren't facts.

When you're dealing with custody matters, staying grounded in what you actually know matters.

The other side of anticipation is bracing for impact.

You begin expecting the next disagreement before it happens.

Your nervous system can start preparing for the conflict as though it is already here.

And that can pull you toward the extremes:

Fight:
“I need to push back right now.”

Freeze:
“I don't know what to do, so I'll do nothing.”

Neither response necessarily reflects what the actual situation requires.

In high-conflict co-parenting, disagreements can become frequent.

Eventually, disagreement itself can become something you expect.

You begin anticipating what the next argument will be about before it even happens.

And whether there's actually a disagreement or not, bracing for impact becomes the default stance.

Communication often suffers in high-conflict co-parenting.

Each person may have their own version of what is happening, what is right, and what should happen next.

Old wounds and established narratives can run quietly in the background.

So even ordinary communication can begin to feel like another potential conflict.

Poor communication feeds more disagreement.

More disagreement reinforces anticipation.

And the cycle continues.

This pattern is pricey.

It can:

Trick you into treating assumptions like facts.
Arguing assumptions in a custody matter isn't a productive place to operate from.

Keep you emotionally connected to the old story.
You continue responding to what you expect rather than what is actually happening.

Keep your nervous system working overtime.
When you're constantly anticipating the next problem, you may become so focused on what might happen that you have less capacity to notice what is actually happening.

When you notice yourself anticipating something that hasn't been proven…

You are not psychic.

Come back to your center.

Take a breath.

Then check your side of the street.

Are you doing what you can according to what has actually been agreed upon?

If there is a court order, follow what it says.

Then continue with your life.

No speculation.
No bracing.
No rehearsing the next argument.

Just observe.

And ask yourself:

If the answer is no, look for another trigger.

If the answer is yes, return to the pause.

Return to the facts.

Return to what is actually happening.

Pause.

Observe.

Lead with facts.

Don't make anticipating another person's actions or responses a part-time job that only pays you in further dysregulation.

You don't have to assume.

You don't have to brace.

Keep your eyes on your side of the street.

Do what you can.

Document accordingly.

Then return to your life.

At what point do I begin to feel myself anticipating disagreements or concerns that haven't happened yet?

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